Relationship between parents and their children

Before a baby is conceived, he already exists as an idea, all human beings have come to this world with a mission and a specific objective: the project of our parents. Throughout our lifetime we’ll only be able to express the project that our parents had when they conceived us.

In the following article, Ángeles Wolder will focus on the relationship between parents and their children in order to introduce the following concept: Project and Purpose from the perspective of Biological Decoding.

Project and Purpose

The biography of Marc Fréchet, the father of this concept

When tackling parent-child relationships, both psychology and psychotherapy have stressed the importance of the person’s life as well as the intrauterine stage in order to achieve a good mental health. Each school or paradigm has contributed its particular vision to the search for the initial conflicts and traumas. From Biological Decoding, we focus on the parent-child relationship. 

Marc Fréchet was a French psychologist (psycho oncologist) specialised in oncological treatment and Multiple Sclerosis, he stressed the importance of the instant of conception and the life experiences of the parents around that moment. He discovered this notion after analysing the circumstances that surrounded his parents’ lives when he was conceived, his first years and the mission that he carried out during his life.

He was conceived at the end of World War II and he was born in 1946. The circumstances surrounding his conception could have determined his mother’s survival. She had done “certain unclear things during the war” and was pending trial, if she was declared guilty she would be imprisoned. Marc Fréchet’s parents thought that if the jury saw a pregnant woman they’d be more indulgent and they wouldn’t send her to prison, or at least she’d receive better treatment. Following the conditions that marked his conception, he was a child who came to this world to help one woman in particular and thus all women in general. 

His mother spent her pregnancy in prison. That is where Marc was born and spent the first 9 months of his life. In total, he spent 18 months living in a place where freedom was restricted and where he was cared for by his mother’s prison mates, this period marked his life. Marc Fréchet said that his mother conceived a child for her own personal needs, not to satisfy her maternity. In his life he was surrounded by people, but he remained alone and he mainly treated women who he helped to release from their prisons (Multiple Sclerosis).

Considering his own history, he realised that a baby is already a preconceived idea before it is conceived. 

When he got married, on his wedding night, his wife was suddenly incapable of moving her legs. When he asked his in-laws about his wife’s birth they told him that it all went well until the baby had a problem and was “paralysed”.

“The birth will condition the financial and personal autonomy of the subject”
Marc Fréchet

Based on his experience, he developed another important concept, the Memorized Biological Cellular Cycles. Both concepts, Project and purpose and Memorized Biological Cellular Cycles, help to locate instants when programming conflicts occurred.

These principles, which he didn’t consider immutable but more like a tendency that could be verified, conditioned the individual to experience certain events during a given period in a certain way. Your Project-Purpose determines your life, some projects can be positive and others can produce a blockage in your life. 

Marc Fréchet died when he was 51, in January 1998, after 10 days in an induced coma with morphine. He didn’t leave any books, just the texts of his conversations and a letter to the Court of justice that tried Dr Hamer.

The moment of Conception: Project and purpose

From the viewpoint of the Project-Purpose, also known as Project and Sense, we’ll observe and analyse what happens to the mother and the father, from the moment of conception. We’ll focus particularly on their problems, emotions and feelings, because these will be engraved on the baby’s unconscious.

To grasp this concept, we can make an analogy with other creations and inventions such as the construction of something that previously didn’t exist, despite the fact that the function that it needed to fulfil was already there. If there is no necessity, there is no stimulus or impulse to create something that can cover that need. 

For example, a wheel is a simple machine that rotates on an axis and allows us to transport objects with ease. Before the invention of the wheel people already needed a way to transport heavy loads further than they themselves or cargo animals could do. 

The need to transport with more ease– wheel – expresses the purpose for which it was invented (its sense to exist)– to transport with more ease

Claude Sabbah expresses it like this: “Any object has a creator who projects it during the immaterial phase (before the creation is materialised) and when the project materialises, it will only be able to express the purpose for which it was created.”

Necessity – immaterial phase (idea) – Project– material state (creation) that expresses the Purpose of the project for which it was conceived.

The same thing happens in biology; each organ has a function that it expresses. The stomach can only do the function that it is prepared for. First the need to digest existed, so nature created an organ capable of expressing the function of digestion.

When two people meet, they feel attracted to each other and form a couple; they may reach a point where they both project a future in common and sometimes they place one or more children in that future, depending on their desires. They have the will to create something together, and if they’re successful, a new life will materialise.

Other times, there is a sexual meeting of two beings and the woman gets pregnant as a result of the biological action, without having experienced any conscious projection.

You must remember that the Project-Purpose, the same as the transgenerational memories, must be observed from your own situation and how you feel, never from the viewpoint of others. You are the beginning.

Which projects are there at the beginning of our biological origin?

Following the notion that any baby is a preconceived idea before his conception has even taken place, we find that all human beings have come to this world with a mission and a specific objective, the project of his parents. During his life he’ll only be able to express the project that his parents had at his conception. Therefore, the beginning of our material existence has been directed by an objective that we haven’t chosen and if we want to give another purpose to our life then we’ll have to change the initial project. 

Our initial project is called the parental father or mother project in order to distinguish this concept from our own personal project. It’s also called our life mission. All the elements that form our parental project are alive within us, like a background program that makes us follow a common thread, as if we were travelling by the hand of our project. 

Example: a 34-year-old man is unemployed, he has no stable partner, he lives at his parent’s house and everything in his life is problematic. As he’s not autonomous or independent he receives a lot of help from his family. His parents lost a previous child when the boy was 11. The project of this man is to always be a child. The motivating belief is “if he grows he might die, it’s better that he goes on being a child”. 

Before the conception, the child is in the parent’s imagination, their image they created of an ideal child may not fit with reality. 

It’s interesting to observe how the parental project has oriented our life towards certain actions, professions, personal characteristics and influenced every aspect of our life and it has done so unconsciously. We aren’t aware of our parental project until we start to study and tackle it. 

Example: a child is conceived in order to give him to a family member, for instance an aunt that cannot bear children. When the child is born, the parents are going through a very bad economic situation so they decide to hand the child to the mother’s sister so that the child “will grow up with better economic conditions”. When this child grew up he spent his life doing everything for other people’s happiness and not his own.

Everything will align with the necessity of the family, which is to reduce the stress produced by the infertility of a family member. 

The parental project is unconscious because the conception is based on the unconscious desires of both parents. For Françoise Dolto, in the “The Cause of Children” (1985), conception is the meeting of three and not just two: “a child only comes to this life through his desire to live”. When the embryo lives and the mother doesn’t abort naturally, it corroborates a shared desire to live. Therefore, from the instant of conception, the foetus is already potentially a human. 

The conscious desire of both parents is not enough to conceive a child. There are many cases of parent who desire, yearn for a child and do everything in their hand to have a child to no avail. Despite their desire, their efforts to procreate and the absence of any biological reason to explain childlessness.

Example: A couple can’t achieve their objective of being parents. The couple is biologically apt to conceive but the woman goes through 12 in vitro treatments and the result is always the same. Frustration, pain, unease in the couple until they separate. Then she goes back to live at her parents’ and when she arrives her mother says: “don’t worry, now you can look after us and the business”. 

In other cases, the woman gets pregnant despite all the contraceptive measures. It’s the case of a girl that is born despite the fact that her father used contraceptive measures (preservative) and her mother was taking pills as well as using a diaphragm. In order to live and overcome at least three barriers she had to respond to an immense unconscious desire, it is probable that in her life she’ll be a person who can easily overcome challenges practically impossible for most people.

How can the unconscious desires of the parents meet?

Life has a maturation process and most times we learn through our relationships, particularly through our parent-child relationships during the first stage of our lives. With every event or situation, we learn something. The couple is a vast field to experiment all kinds of situations. Each member of the couple accumulates thoughts, desires and expectations at different levels, personal, parental, social, couple, etc. that go forming their child and will determine if the needs of each person are met during their existence.

What happens in the life of the parents around the moment of conception (between 9 and 12 months according to different authors), will determine the project that they’ll transmit to their child. At the instant of conception each one of the parents has particular needs and this will determine the relationship between the parents and their children.

For example, a man named Salvador (Saviour) was conceived during a moment of unease of the couple, that was about to break up. As a result, his project is to unite, to keep together, and during his entire life he’s been introducing friends to each other, when he was little he always got his friends together at his house. As an adult, Salvador suffered a strong depression when his sister Sara separated. This was incomprehensible for his family, but easy to understand in view of his Project-Purpose.

  • Necessity: not separate – immaterial phase: union – Project: a child to unite us– material stage(creation) SALVADOR

Salvador feels fulfilment when he manages to keep something united. He also suffers when his friends get upset or when he leaves a job. His birth and existence fulfil and express the Purpose of the Project for which he was conceived. 

Another Salvador, Salvador Dalí, substituted his dead brother and during his life he felt that his brother lived inside him. Through his life he expressed his brother’s life.

When faced with your parental project (or any other situations in life) you can:

  • Be faithful to your parental project
  • Move away or compensate your parental project.

When we consider Biological Decoding, and particularly when using the Project-Purpose tool and take into account the relationship between parents and their children, our aim is to become aware of the mother and father parental projects. And if necessary, the person can be released from their parental projects so that they can then focus on their own project or life mission. 

Pregnancy and types of birth

Fréchet also discussed the influence of pregnancy and birth on the establishment of the Project-Purpose.

During the nine months of pregnancy the following stages or phases take place:

  • Sympathicotonia phase, “alertness”. It covers the first three months of pregnancy. The tissues that grow most are those controlled by the Paleoencephalon (primitive endodermic and mesodermic layers). In this phase, the mother feels cold, hypersensitivity, nausea, vomiting, etc. Not all mothers experience these symptoms in the same way so I think they may be related to situations of anxiety and stress that the mother experiences, we mustn’t forget that these feelings are also experimented by the child.
  • Vagotonia phase: this phase lasts six months, the tissues that grow most are those controlled from the Neoencephalon.
  • Epic four-hour crisis (birth) and breastfeeding.

Let’s continue with the Project-Purpose, now we’ll focus on birth. Fréchet talked about different types of birth and how they can determine the way we are, and produce some symptoms in our adult stage. Births can be classified as follows: 

  • Rapid birth: the child is born in a hurry to live.
  • Restrained birth: as a result, you’ll feel that everything is an effort, you’ll feel insecure and you think you won’t get where you want.
  • Premature birth: they result in the sensation of immediate need. It is a double separation conflict and will result in adults who have immature relationships.
  • Induced birth: these people may have trouble to start projects on their own.
  • Blocked births: these are due to the mother’s problems related to the baby. The baby will be in tune with their mother’s fears and/or conflicts.
  • Instrumental birth, mediated by forceps or vacuum: this means that in order to be born they “needed help” and that translates into a difficulty to finish things. They are scared of suffering, they like to be in control and can’t stand others to be in control, sometimes they may avoid contact.
  • Caesarean birth, programmed caesarean: the baby may feel the symptom of interruption, he may feel diverted from his direction. 
  • Coiled umbilical cord: there may be unconscious memories of suffocating, strangling. The person may feel that living is dangerous.

Did you feel identified with your type of birth? Have you discovered that there may be a relationship between the way you were born and the way you live? This is a thrilling topic with plenty of food for thought, for analysing and for personal development. 

The Project-Purpose is a surprising subject that invites you to enquire into your life mission. I encourage you to discover everything that your unconscious holds and release yourself from the issues that don’t belong to you.

Leave your comments and tell me what you’ve discovered through this article about parental mandates.

© Ángeles Wolder Institute– All rights reserved.

Disclaimer: Biological Decoding is a complementary, supportive emotional therapy, it is not a substitute for any medical treatment. The client can freely choose this therapy to help with their emotional wellbeing. The Ángeles Wolder Institute does not give medical advice and does not recommend its clients to give up any medical treatments.

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